Friday, July 27, 2007

oh dear, tagged.

tagged by the lustrous mati. and brought out of my blog slumber.

Rules: 1. We have to post these rules before we give you the facts. 2. Players start with eight random facts/habits about themselves. 3. People who are tagged write their own blog post about their eight things and include these rules. 4. At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged and that they should read your blog.

#1. Lately I've been wondering if I can learn not to take people so literally. Or not to put so much trust in/weight on words. I think my love for words has gone too far perhaps. Not only do I love the way words look and sound, the letters that make up words, the histories, etymologies, translations. Not only do I escape into and find happiness in stories, sensuality, humanity in poetry, but I also believe the words people say. I know that supposedly people say more nonverbally than verbally, but I want to believe the words because they carry meanings. I guess gestures carry meaning too (perhaps a clearer, simpler meaning). I just know I am way too disappointed lately in how meanings (my own and others') seem to shift so quickly. I'm not sure which words to believe. The sentences all seem fleeting. Except for maybe ones like, "Everyone wants to love and be loved."

#2. {continuation of #1} It makes me appreciate the honesty of animals. But at the same time all that shifting of meanings, all those grey areas, complexity, all those illusions, delusions, fantasies, tales, subversions, inversions, secrets, disguises and especially the unravelling and attempt to understand, does make life interesting.

#3. Have you ever tried to make a list of all the crushes you've ever had? I will try (excepting recent ones or otherwise terribly incriminating ones).
* Tommy Miller (Off and on through gradeschool, starting at age 5. Pretty much everyone had a crush on Tommy at some point. He was that cute. Johnny Depp cute.)
* Scott Green (1st and 2nd grade. Mostly because my BFF Heather also liked him.)
* Heather (BFF. So it goes.)
* K & K (My cousins, brother and sister. They were older and cooler. Come on you have cousin crushes too.)
* That Hawaiian guy (Can't remember his name.)
* Molly W. (Prom queen and {obviously} popular girl who for some reason befriended {to some degree} me {a nerd} in freshman English. We played tic tac toe during class despite the fact that we sat right up front, before the high-panted, Shakespeare-obsessed Mr. Schiller.)
* Josh S. (Because he told me he voted for me for some contest. Clearly I was starved for flattery.)
* Chris (Had to distract myself during economics class. He sat in front of me.)
* Asa (During my year at Lund in Sweden. Mostly she made me laugh.)
* Mattias (Also in Lund. Requisite dangerous boy crush.)
* Mariana (Also in Lund. Mariana was in my first women's studies class and ran up behind me one day and pinched my side hello. This was a year I was low on close female friends and this pinch, in addition to her being lesbionic, nerdy and super cute, was enough to completely crush me out and render me mute in her presence and in class.)
* Woman with low voice in Intro to Fem at UCSC (Requisite dangerous girl crush.)
* Emily A. (Anthropologist student with amber-colored eyes. We were on the Porter dorm paint crew one summer. She was dating a boy AND a girl and was very sexy.)
* Ethan (Incited probably my boldest first move ever. {It's about time for new bold first moves.})
* Woman who rides the UCSF shuttle and brings her bike. (She seems down to earth, groovy and kinda punk. I like her hair and that she smiles at the shuttle drivers.)

My god this is only like half of them. Must stop here.

#4. At some point I forced myself to choose between making the US or Sweden my home because my longing for wherever I was not, was stifling. I sill miss Sweden intensely quite often. And lately I have this fear {#5. I worry about things I have little control over.} that global warming will change the weather/air/environment all over the earth to the point that Sweden will change so much. I mean everywhere changes anyway in so many ways, but I have this strong desire for Sweden to always remain how I remember it as a child. I want there to be two tv channels and a few radio stations (already long changed). Little advertising/signage. Not many cars. Tra skor. Kex Choklad. Fil. Saft. People all sitting with their faces to the sun in summer. Dancing and singing around the midummer pole. Blaklockor. I want the air to feel/smell the same. This list is a book, so I really shouldn't get started.

#6. Sometimes I wonder if I should try to appear more like people expect queer lasses to appear. Get multiple hoop earrings, wear a studded belt (not happening), use more hair product, buy a suburu stationwagon (not happening), wear my keen shoes more, wear baggier jeans. All unlikely. Sesame St. taught me I don't need to conform, but like I said, sometimes I wonder...

#7. I need to go to therapy. I know in some ways it will probably be really good, but sometimes it seems so stupid to me. Paying to talk to someone. Seems especially strange when people are at war and living in poverty. Or as Andie McDowell says in Sex, Lies, Videotape, when there's all that garbage piling up. (Actually I think she's just generally worrying about all the trash while at the therapist, but this one reminded me of that scene.)

#8. I like an assignment.

I tag: erica, karin, gwen, jenifer, abby, hayley, dandelion, kim.
I would tag camilla too, but she's more of a photo tjej. (You could do this all in photos though...)


dandelion said...

Firstly, thank you for tagging me! I absolutely will play along! secondly, thanks for such an intriguening insight into you! - Particulary loving #4 and what you said about wanting 'the air to feel/smell the same'. I'm with you on that... Also loved reading about yor crushes!! I'm off to make some notes on me...x

abby said...

this was very cool-
oh lordy-i have new crushes everyday~i guess i really need the therapy!
i will play along-soon-have a good weekend-abs

molly said...

i love what you write about sweden...also, beautiful photograph--

lisa s said...

shash... love the photo... and the list. it's always a joy to learn a little bit more.... [i love that you love words]

mati said...

you should write a novel, meaning i love your love for words and am wanting to read more. or at least some short stories! glad you liked the assignment.

rose said...

hmmmm. loving your list. relating to #6. i love big earrings with my short hair and skirts with my sneakers too much.
i am also totally obsessed with your mixes from the swap. i play rosebush inside at least 4 times a day.

mary said...

you're so adorable! i'm glad you took a break from your break.

kusink said...

I promise, i WILL play along! it just takes some time ... I'll let you know when it's posted :)