Saturday, April 29, 2006

topsy-turvy



so lately i am consumed with thoughts of things i can't really write here, as much as i'd like to! that's partially why i decided to take a blogging break. that and to try to craft more. but i find myself just perusing flickr about the same amount of time i would take to blog, so....it's back to blogging for me.


whenever i want to change one big thing in my life (a relationship, a job, a housing situation, etc.), i start questioning everything in my life. suddenly i want to move to sweden, join an organic farming, crafting lesbian commune (oooo, is there one of those? ha!). i'm thinking things are going to go a bit topsy turvy in the next few months. (my blogging might be sporadic.) i wish i could let go and have faith that all will be well. i seem to be able to do that in the mornings, but at night it's anxiety central. i think i'm just wired that way, though i do think i can work on changing that too...i fear change like the plague, but i also want to take risks and live life more fully. so i'm trying to make friends with my fear, as they say (do they say that?). accept that things are going to be strange and rough and shaky for a bit.

anyhow, here are some cutie pics of pinky leon. my smart friend christina reminded me to look at him when i'm not feeling so well. smart.

i have always found watching PL clean himself calming. i think it's because it's so animal. makes me realize that i am animal too and that as a human animal, i make my worries to a great extent. that, and the timing of the cleaning is so regular and calm.

i'm grateful for smart friends and clean kitties.

11 comments:

karin said...

i'm wired the same way - brave in the daylight but not so much faith in the middle of the night...
I got told a quote by someone famous yesterday, "this too shall pass", which i thought was quite comforting ;)

abbytrysagain said...

I hope that whatever you need to figure out will be figured out for you and that the journey along the way can be as good as possible. That commune sounds like a good idea...could you make room for a married childless couple? :)

Hayley said...

If you find one let me know. I have great faith in things working themselves out; they do because you adjust, and you adjust because what other option is there? I fear change too and for some reason that comforts me. And for all I have had to adjust to, I've learned that you have got to have a sense of humour about it- because being in bad spirits doesn't make things any better. So have a good laugh and, if needed, a glass of wine. Cheers! (Oh and PL is super cute! I love that little raised paw in the second picture!)

Anya said...

Great tongue shot of PL... I always really admire your animal pictures. When I take picts of my dog, 90% come out looking terrible!

I'm sorry you're feeling so much anxiety... Lists always help me... Because somehow once the "to do's" or process is written on paper, I am better able to let it go out of my head 24/7.

Hugs...

dopeattic said...

your greatest weakness is your greatest strength, it's the simulataneous nature of being. really! and the truth is most people are not as afraid of being inadequate, but more afraid of having unlimited power to change. hope you being to feel better and have clarity moreover.

vegasandvenice said...

I am so glad that you returned to your blogging. I hope you find your answers quickly but not so fast that they are easily forgotten.

mati rose said...

oh it's so good of you do take the time to figure it out and acknowledge the fear and risks and scariness of change, but do it anyway! i have a # of a great life/job coach if you're interested. also, the font is "selfish".
xo

lisa s said...

ah yes.... i think i am with you in the upsidedown world...

i'm trying to just ride the ride. for the good and the bad.... and your friend is genius. keep looking at kitty!

VT said...

welcome back to the blogging world! so good to see your posts again. good luck finding your personal peace. mine has been eluding me lately as well.

the photos of PL made me smile as well. :)

tania said...

welcome back! good luck with your topsy turvies. i fear change too! it's so hard to not worry and worry.
i try all sorts of tricks and i may be getting a teeny bit better at calming down but not much.
lately trying to just realise things will all get done / worked out weather i worry or not and that i should enjoy now instead of ruining it by fretting over tomorrow-
all that stuff!
:)
good luck.

Misty Mawn said...

I know your feelings all to well... at least we are not alone! ;-)