Tuesday, June 27, 2006
so at first portland, oregon made me really excited. all the new colors and buildings. all the green, wow so much green. the ridiculous amount of cute tree-lined residential streets with sweet houses and flowers bursting from the yards. the friendliness!! i felt like i was in some kind of twilight zone with the friendliness. everyone saying at least hello and thank you to the bus drivers and often having whole conversations with them. and genuine words, not just a passing thanks. people next to me in the cafe asking if i want any parts of their paper. strangers chatting up strangers. and merchants being all friendly. drivers!!! stopping!!! for pedestrians when pedestrians aren't even looking like they're about to cross the street yet!!!! i tell you it made me wonder why SF people are so surly and rude a lot of the time. (i think the SF surliness is probably in large part due to our high cost of living, a constant worry in the back of people's heads about survival. and the fast pace??)
all that green and all those houses kind of made me ache. a tugging at me.
but i also didn't see much queerness, diversity or art there. (of course i was only there 3 days and i'm sure i only saw a fraction of the city). in a lot of ways portland also felt similar to SF, being on the west coast and being a big city...
i don't think i'd move to portland without a friend or partner. so much of home is about familiarity and friends. it would be hard to leave this familiarity and my friends. and sometimes i think if i move, i want to move to a much smaller town. or someplace really different from SF. oh i just don't know! do any of you feel this constant dissatisfaction/wonder about moving? i know about half of my friends here feel this way and the rest don't. i just find it hard to imagine being able to buy a house here. hard to imagine being able to do art as much as i'd like here. and although i do believe in living in the moment, i also need to be able to imagine a future of possibilities more beautiful and fulfilling. more green and gentler than this.
Posted by Kerstin Svendsen at 8:35 PM