Sunday, January 14, 2007
on jobs and peter rabbit
after my first week (last week) of my part-time, after-school tutoring job, i think i might be able to cross elementary school teacher off my list of professions to consider.
i certainly could learn how to be more authoritative and could learn discipline tricks, and i suppose i will learn some of this while (if) i'm doing this job. however, being authoritative goes against my nature to some degree. and there are so many things to think about at once when teaching. it's just a bit too hard for me. i like working with the kids one-on-one, but working with groups of students is proving to be quite difficult. i do like to be challenged, but this goes beyond challenge for me, i think.
besides it being so hard, there are the additional factors against becoming a teacher - the f-ed up (in so many ways) school system (this is a whole other long post), the low pay, the all-consuming aspect of the job. (and it would be even more all-consuming if one were to try and challenge the system from within it, finding alternative, more interesting and more appropriate materials for students for example. and nowadays i guess this might be quite difficult, as schools are so focused on getting the kids to pass/score well on the year-end tests.)
i am not even sure i will be able to stick with this short-term job, unless it gets easier. right now it is causing me a lot of anxiety and taking up (mentally) much more of my day than the 3.5 hours i'm actually at the school. (i can barely even think about blogging or taking photos!) and of course i'm taking it all too seriously. it's hard for me to relax/be at ease when i don't feel i have enough control of a situation. and the more stressed out i get, the less in control of the situation i become. a vicious circle. oy.
it makes me think about this post that andrea wrote a while back about the path of least resistance. teaching is certainly not the path of least resistance for me.
but i'm going to stick it out a bit longer to see how it goes. i remembered that i have a tendency to feel overwhelmed and/or depressed when i start something new and the something isn't as i expected it to be. (i got depressed when i started graphic design classes too, and they turned out pretty good in the end...)
in other news, i watched miss potter saturday and loved it. what a wonderful woman that beatrix was. inspiring, sad, happy and beautiful movie. (i'm bringing one potter book from the library to tutoring tuesday because i know this one little girl in my tutoring group likes rabbits, and maybe peter rabbit will be just the thing...)