nerd for life

the sneaky (and blurry) look

you know how sometimes you have that one vest or jacket or sweater or pair of jeans that just feels exactly right? and sometimes you get in a phase where you wear this perfect piece of clothing all the time and you feel so comfy and secure? and you don't care if people notice that you have been wearing the same thing day in and day out? i haven't had that piece of clothing in a while. lately i've been craving a button(ed?) down black shirt, that's slightly grey, and blue jeans worn in to just the right blue (an outfit a la james spader in sex, lies, videotape, one of my all time favorite movies). i want it to be comfy and, you know a little sexy, and i want to wear it all the time.

so i've been avoiding writing this on my blog, but the fact is, i'm disillusioned with school. as i mentioned recently, i've always loved school. having been out of school for 10 years and having been bored lately at my job, i was SO looking forward to brain stimulation and something new and exciting. however, the intro graphic design classes aren't that interesting. i'm definitely learning some things (and i like my teachers and the fellow students seem nice), but i'm wondering if maybe i need a different kind of brain stimulation, like women's studies theory or discussions about literature. i'm going to stick this semester out and hope that the one after it is something more and different. (i am excited to learn about fonts/type next semester.) it's hard for me to be patient right now because i'm in this mode of life is too short and i don't want to waste any time at all. this is a mode i've never been in before (at least not to this extent). i've been patient (frightened) for a really long time.

i became quite depressed the first week of school when i realized it wasn't what i had expected/craved. but i'm feeling better about it this week. also, during that first week of school, i watched one of the most depressing movies i've ever seen, lilya 4ever. it's very good, but SO bleak. it is about a russian girl who is forcibly prostituted in sweden. it really threw me. i felt like i fell into a hole, thinking about the cruelty of some people and how people can betray each other on the deepest level, treating others as nonhuman. and how women and girls get the brunt of this cruelty. this got me thinking about how women especially suffer so much rape/torture during war. and about the wars going on now. oh it was a sad movie. and it made the world look ugly to me. (pms didn't help that). i don't recommend the movie if you're susceptible to falling into the world is an ugly place holes. luckily i was able to get out of that way of thinking. but how hard it must be to do that when one actually lives these cruelties on a regular basis (like the character lilya and thousands of real life girls who this happens to all over the world and like people in war torn countries).

on a lighter note, another thing that's bugging me about myself being back in school, is that i had planned not to care about grades. i planned to just get what i needed out of the classes and to do projects that i wanted to do and not care so much about the rules of a project. but i guess i'm a nerd for life. it's so hard for me not to care about the grade! ug. i suppose maybe i should try to figure out how to do what i want while getting a good grade.

anyhow, sorry this post went from innocuous to very serious and back. but maybe spewing here will help me sleep at night. (can't seem to turn off the brain the past few days at night.)

a fabric thank you + dansko anyone?

i'm purging/organizing. does anyone want to buy these size 38 (US size 8) danskos for $30 plus shipping?

danskos are normally around $100, but i bought these on sale for $50. they are a discontinued (but i think very cute) style. i only wore them once indoors for 15 minutes. then my back started hurting, so i couldn't wear them. most people find danskos to be really comfy and supportive though. here's an online pic of them. mine are matte, not oiled like the online version. leave me a comment if you're interested.



these are some favorites from a big box of fabrics i received from a sweet blog reader, debbie. she randomly found my blog because she was googling kerstin pronouced shashtin. debbie was reading a book in which a character named kerstin claimed her name was pronounced shashtin because it was swedish. debbie couldn't believe that this would be an accurate pronunciation, so she looked it up online and found my blog! the internet is such a wacky place. i think that's the most unusual way anyone has come across my blog. anyhow, thanks debbie!

friday flickr

hi all, i'm a bit exhausted from the first week of school + work, so just one flickr fave link today.
celesta danger:
this photo of hers and this photo make me laugh.
and her set with her gf is funny and sweet + nice photos.
shit, from just glancing at her profile, it looks like her gf, tamara, was put on leave from her teaching job in texas for being in celesta's photos. LAME!
more soon!

thimbles

hi there. just a quick post. here's lisa's thimble figurine. isn't she lovely? maybe not so fitting right next to lolli by allison....will do some rearranging.

may not have time to blog much this week, so have a good week all!
speaking of thimbles...forgot i have another thimble pic.

friday flickr favorites

what are these yellow flowers? they smell good (more planty/herby, than flowery, but good)

just a couple flickr faves today, strange me's falling and nyra lang's as you fly over the ocean, i miss you (that pool looks divine)

and a favorite post this past week was this one by kim. beautifully written and just what i needed to read.

bloggy dinner

so i'm a bad blogger for not taking photos of a delicious evening...but luckily these 3 gals had it covered.

i went into a bit of a shell last night (true to my cancer crab sign), squinched in the corner of lisa c.'s lovely couch. i was slightly intimidated hanging out with these three wonderful artists and super foxy ladies, even though they're all so friendly and down to earth. silly. (maybe it's cocktails next time instead of wine...) so nice to meet lisa s. for the first time. she's so sparkly with her smile and ease. and nice to hang out again with funny and elegant mati and our open and generous hostess, lisa c. what a rad apartment!

thanks for a lovely evening lisa c., lisa s. and mati!

fonzarelli

so i start graphic design classes this week. my job ends aug. 31 and i don't have another lined up yet. i'm trying to be a fonzie about it all (a housemate phrase i love), but the fear is there below the surface, simmering. i'm trying to have faith everything will work out. and i do for the most part actually, for once, but i'm still starting to feel quite nervous. mostly about what kind of part time job i should look for. i don't want an office job. i want to bake or maybe work some place i enjoy, like the de young museum or the park or a cute store. does it matter that i'll only make minimum wage? (unfortunately in this city it does...) and also questioning if graphic design is what i really want to do. considering these questions andrea linked to.

i've been a bit unsure about writing about my fears here and letting them have that much space. but they already sort of paralyze me in that i have a hard time doing creative things because the job situation is on my mind. i'm trying to let myself feel afraid, but not let the fear take over and paralyze me.

i remember in college, before i came out, i thought, as soon as i face this big fear, i'll be fearless and strong and happy. didn't realize there'd be another fear right behind the coming out one to replace it. i do think we get stronger and happier, generally, with each fear we face, but fear itself doesn't leave. damn.

what i'm dealing with is actually sort of a positive fear too (i mean i'm lucky to have these sorts of things to be considering/worrying about), compared to what people in lebanon or iraq are facing for (an extreme) example. trying to keep perspective. trying to be a fonzie....

it's good to drink chilled samovar masala chai to keep one's cool. samovar is one of my favorite eateries in SF. the food is yummy, presented nicely and is reasonably priced, the atmosphere is groovy and the waitstaff friendly. what more could you ask for? oh, and they have outdoor seating.

flickr friday + links

flickr favorites:
abby's pears
i love this kind of shaggy dog
shayna's grasses
polkadotty
the essence of a rainy day
the essence of lounging

will be on my links page soon:
windowsill blog
helena kvarnstrom photography
anke weckman illustration
katskatryn blog
anne nicholls art
kathya e. aka chocokat
bugheart

COLOR + gee's bend

one of the cool things about having housemates, is the new colors they bring to the house. when i think of people i know, i often think of the colors they like/wear/have in their house. these clothes on the line (in our ramshackle, dirty storage area) are erica's. they're not exactly representative of the colors i think of when i think of her. she likes a lot of brown, tan, neutral colors, but also bright colors. anyhow, i usually like the combination of colors that her clothes on the line make, because they're different than mine, yet very pleasing! they make me consider new combinations of color. (i'm pretty much always noting color combos in my head {as many of you most likely do as well} as i go through my day - houses, plants, graffiti, people's clothes, whatever).


by lillie mae pettway housetop-twelve block half log cabin variation

today i saw the gee's bend quilt exhibit. TALK ABOUT COLOR COMBINATIONS. those ladies are geniuses of color. what a beautiful exhibit. it made me cry. i know i'll be going back to it, since it's here until december (GO IF YOU'RE IN SF!). some of the most wonderful quilts i've ever seen. what hard, but fulfilliing and beautiful lives the quilters describe (in a video at the exhibit). i really hope a large part of the money the books, cds, exhibits make goes to their community and the quilters! although as one woman notes in the film (and i'm seriously paraphrasing), "we didn't have anything, couldn't buy anything, but everyone seemed happy, and nowadays people have everything, buy everything, but no one seems happy." i just think those women deserve some comfort and ease after what they've endured and that they should receive $ for their fabulous artwork. above is one of my favorite quilts of the exhibit by lillie mae pettway.

more flowers and 3 recommendations

finally created in flickr:

a flower set (maybe i'm weird for noticing this, but if you look at the thumbnails on the set page, the flowers make an S. i was going to remove some of the photos, but then i couldn't cuz of the S. maybe later.) flickr changed the format of sets, so you can't see the S anymore!

a flower card set



above are some of my more recently acquired flower cards.
for artists, see the flickr set. i'm sure you already recognize some of these!

*btw. i finished the known world and i HIGHLY RECOMMEND it. best book i've read in a while.

*also saw the movie little miss sunshine and loved it.

*and take a look at this photo, this photo, this photo and this photo by samantha west.

through a window

so today i was forced to spend the day outside. as i mentioned in my last post, i was awakened by workers scraping paint off of our house (sounded like 3 people wearing clogs walking up and down a wooden staircase). i had planned to do some creative stuff at home on my day off, but instead had to go out, which turned out to be so good. first i was grumpy and seeing only ugly things. but as the day progressed, and i let it take me where it wanted, i became rejuvenated! there were so many lovely faces and windows and moments. and the weather was perfect.

first i walked to the photo store to pick up some photos for a trade with mav.

then i took the bus over to bernal heights. went to the bakery behind the restaurant, the liberty cafe bakery, where this cute baker kept having to tell the pigeons to go outside. they really wanted to be in there with her (and probably with the bread too).


then i walked around bernal. saw a woman getting married. i like her simple dress. though i think maybe i'd have (if i were a traditional wedding sort, and were allowed to marry, and wore sleeveless things) a different colored sash/belt. maybe. went into one of my favorite stores, heartfelt, where they have great window displays. the current display is all about a rainbow of socks.

then off to church st. in noe valley, where i discovered another great store, the pickled hutch. all sorts of furniture and goodies. there are different rooms, and some feel like an old timey european house. it smelled good in there too, not like musty, old furniture. there was also a garden area. sf folks, check it out!

walking back home, i saw in windows:

these pretty soaps
this dog
this cat pretending to be part of a display, sitting perfectly centered and still
these figurines in a pet store
this sassy green outfit
this golden hand (very cool display which you can't see for the reflections) and
this salvador dali

flickr friday and links

this photo and this photo and this photo make me miss sweden (even though the first one is norway...)!

so do karin's pics of kayaking in stockholm's archipelago (scroll down)
so does seeing a new to me swedish blog (in english)
so does seeing morran and camilla again!
so does reading my cousin's blog and seeing these pics from her

those second and third flickr pics make me think of going to lakes or rivers in sweden. sometimes there's a little parking area on some grass, with a few saabs and volvos parked around. or i also remember riding bikes to swimming spots. and walking on a grassy, sandy path through trees to the gently lapping water. getting some glass (ice cream) from a kiosk or ice cream stand (i prefer 88:an. vilken ar din favorit?)

the top pic is from ljusnan, the river we swam in as kids at my mormor and morfar's house. (taken years after they sold the house and my friend amelie and i visited it.) i should "borrow" some of the old pics from my parents next time i'm home. i'm the only one in the family who looks at those pictures anyway it seems.

ug. they are painting the outstide of the house i live in. lots of loud scraping woke me up this morning, and will probably continue throughout the day.

starving kitties and fog belts

this is pinky's starving look. it's pretty convincing, except for the fact that i know i fed him like an hour ago. plus, he's not exactly svelt.


this photo is to show you the SF fog (the dusk version). i live in the sunny part of town but i work over there in that fog (though only for another month). for 6 years i have looked out my window in the morning to check the fog status. it's nice that i can tell from here if it will be at least 10 degrees colder at work. which it is about 95 % of the time. summer at home, winter at work. i do love the fog, but i'm glad i don't live in it.

book rec

thanks for the encouraging comments on the quilt!

i'm reading a really good book right now, the known world, by edward p. jones. i recommend it (though i'm only halfway through). it is filled with characters who have all kinds of different relationships to slavery. it's crazy how the various characters justify supporting (or passively/ignorantly support) the institution of slavery on one level or in some part of their lives, and then challenge it on other levels or in other parts of their lives. makes me think about what is forgiveable and what is not. makes me think about how most of us have to negotiate interactions/relationships with people we love but who do unjust things or support racist, homophobic, sexist, etc. institutions. more on all this perhaps when i finish the book.

has anyone else out there in crafty artsy bloggerville read the known world?